The Coach Abe

Most people believe their results are shaped by what they do. But before any action happens, a thought appears. That first thought after failure quietly influences confidence, emotion, and the next decision. Over time, that pattern determines whether you stay stuck or move forward.

When something goes wrong, most people immediately shift into problem-solving mode. Fix it. Adjust. Try again. That feels productive, and in many cases, it is. But what often goes unnoticed is that before any action happens, your mind has already responded. Not to the situation itself, but to what it believes the situation means.

That meaning is created by your first thought.

It happens quickly, almost automatically. You don’t sit down and choose it. It just appears, shaped by past experiences, habits, and repeated patterns. And because it feels immediate and familiar, you accept it without question. From there, everything else follows. Your emotional response, your level of confidence, and your next decision are all influenced by that one internal reaction.

Here’s what’s actually happening

• Something doesn’t go your way
• Your mind generates an automatic thought
• That thought assigns meaning to the situation
• That meaning influences how you respond

Most people only pay attention to the final step. They focus on what they did or didn’t do. But the real shift happens earlier, at the level of thought. If that part stays the same, your results tend to repeat, even if you try to change your actions.

Why this becomes a problem

Your brain is designed to be efficient. Instead of analyzing every situation from scratch, it pulls from what it already knows. That means it reuses familiar thoughts, especially in moments of stress, failure, or uncertainty.

So if your internal dialogue tends to sound like:

• “I always mess this up”
• “This is why I can’t move forward”
• “Things don’t work out for me”

Those thoughts don’t just appear randomly. They’ve been practiced. And because they’ve been repeated, they become your default response.

Over time, what starts as a reaction turns into a pattern. And what becomes a pattern starts to feel like truth.

What most people try to do instead

Instead of looking at their patterns, most people try to correct their behavior on the surface level. They push themselves to stay positive. They try to stay motivated. They set new goals or increase their effort.

But if the thinking underneath stays the same, those strategies only work temporarily.

You can take action while still carrying doubt.
You can move forward while still expecting failure.

And that internal contradiction slows everything down. It creates inconsistency, hesitation, and frustration. Not because you lack ability, but because your starting point hasn’t changed.

The shift: awareness before action

The goal is not to immediately change your thoughts. Trying to force a better thought too quickly often creates resistance. Instead, the first step is awareness.

You simply notice what’s already there.

When you become aware of a thought, something subtle but important happens. You create distance from it. Instead of being fully immersed in the thought, you begin to observe it.

That shift changes your relationship with it.

You’re no longer reacting automatically.
You’re seeing clearly.

And from that place, better decisions become available.

A simple way to practice this

You don’t need a complicated system to build awareness. You can start with one question:

“What did I just tell myself?”

Use this question in real time, especially when something doesn’t go as planned. Pause for a moment and identify the exact thought that came up.

Not the situation.
Not the outcome.

Just the thought.

This simple practice helps bring unconscious patterns into the surface, where you can actually see them.

What you’ll start to notice

As you continue doing this, patterns will begin to reveal themselves more clearly. You may notice that different situations trigger very similar thoughts.

You’ll start to see:

• The same phrases repeating across different situations
• The same assumptions showing up quickly
• The same conclusions being made without much evidence

At that point, it becomes clear that the issue isn’t the situation itself. It’s the pattern interpreting it.

And once you can see the pattern, you’re no longer fully controlled by it.

A better way to respond

Once you notice a thought, the next step is not to argue with it or replace it immediately. Instead, you can acknowledge it in a neutral way.

For example:

• “That’s a familiar pattern”
• “That’s how I usually respond”

This creates space without resistance.

You’re not suppressing the thought.
You’re not feeding it either.

You’re simply recognizing it for what it is: a learned response.

And that recognition weakens its influence over time.

Final thought

You’re not stuck because things keep going wrong. You’re stuck because the same thoughts keep interpreting those moments the same way, leading to the same reactions and outcomes.

But once you start noticing those thoughts, even briefly, you step out of autopilot. That small space is enough to change how you respond.

You don’t need to fix everything. You just need to see what’s there.

Because once you see the pattern, it no longer runs you.

Start with awareness. Download the April Worksheets and begin identifying your patterns one thought at a time.